Part Two: Not My Identity

Letting go was easy....
of my hair I mean. I have been questioned about my hair for as long as I can remember. It was always about the color or the length. Asking a mother if her three-year old's hair is its natural color is one of the stories that comes to mind. Truth is, I never thought much about it then and I sure didn't feel attached when my doctor told me there was the strong possibility I would lose it all due to chemotherapy.
Right then and there, I shut out all of the horror stories of hair loss out of my head and decided that if it did or didn't come out would not and should not matter if it meant that I was going to be healed.

Here I am around 2008:

This was my first haircut. Courtesy of dad.

September 2009

Part One

I feel like it is time for me to share part of my life, in my own words, my own way. This is only the beginning.

Summer 2009

I was invincible. Nothing could top the way things were going in my life. I was getting ready to spread my wings and take flight. Then something happened. It was like the wind had been knocked out of me and I couldn't breathe. Literally.

This is how I felt a little over four years ago around the end of the summer. I was 16 years old having the time of my life. I had done everything a summer could consist of: be a junior camp counselor, go to vacation bible school at church, go to Hawaii, fireworks on the Fourth of July, and a trip to Grandma's. The icing on the cake would be to go shopping for school supplies. Yes, at that age I still got overly excited about back to school shopping!

The funny thing about this time was that something was happening that I was choosing to ignore. In my mind, I was turning a new leaf by transitioning my hair back to its natural state, and also losing weight for all the right reasons. What I thought was wrong. Little did I know, by the time the first day of school came around, I would be in a totally different place, mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

Follow Your Own Advice

I may be wrong, and I hope I am, but recently, I get the feeling that someone wants me to prove that I am worthy of my blessings. Now lets be real: we are all unworthy of the many blessings that The Lord bestows upon us, so why should this one person placing his/her expectations on me bother me? 

Truth is: I AM HUMAN

After making it through what I am going to call my Big Event, why should I care what anybody thinks I have to prove other than the fact that I am a regular college student experiencing the universal struggle that goes with it, and also trying to be a better me, the me that's pleasing to God's eyes?

Why should it matter what someone thinks I should have, or when they think I should have it? 

Although it seems that I have everything I want, I do not have everything I want in this life.( that's a post on its own) and I'm sure most people my age and even those older have some goals and aspirations that they have yet to accomplish. 

Nevertheless, I am hoping that I am able to follow this advice that I am about to give, hoping that it is in that ray of light about to shine upon my current situation: don't let other people's expectations of you get in the way of what you are working towards in your life. Don't let what a parent, grandparent, or best friend says in negativity slow you down. Let that drive your ambition further. If there is anything to prove, it's to prove them all wrong. This does not mean you are being selfish or stubborn. It just means you are seeking God's purpose, not your parent's, best friend's, or any other benefactor you have here on earth. 

If you know that God has good things planned for you and you are seeking that faithfully, then I am positive that he will clearly direct your footsteps on that path. Don't look back... Just keep walking forward!!

One of the Best Summers!!

I feel I must acknowledge this past summer as one of the best that I can remember in a while since 2009. I know four years seems like a short time, but for me it feels like it went by in slow motion. But this summer, everything felt like it was moving in a good direction for me. Not as fast-paced as I am used to, but filled with a variety of productive things: a paying job, cooking, and singing.

Being able to spend the summer away from school gave me the motivation I needed to push forward and reminded me of all of things I want to do and accomplish in my life. It made me remember that I must speak good things into existence, while still praying to God daily. It reminded me that I have been blessed in so many ways despite all of the challenges and roadblocks that have been placed. It reminded me that taking a detour meant I was able to connect to others in a way that's still inexplicable to me. I saw people I haven't seen in years and it was like no time had passed at all. 

I have to say that all of this makes me feel like I have a fresh start with everything. Old things have passed away and everything is new. Every moment I am given I will spend like I spent my summer: being a positive force and just being me. ✌

Work in Progress

Today, something my grandmother asked me as I talked to her before I head off for school makes me want to evaluate my plans for the future, which seem to always be a work in progress. When I say that I am ready to be back on my college campus, I mean just that: I am ready to go! Not to say that I haven't  had a wonderful and blessed summer. But apparently I implied that I do not like Jackson, MS. 

Well, that is not true at all. I love my hometown for what it is and for what I am hoping that it will be based on all of the new things being added to make our city more beautiful. Of course, all of us who live in Jackson know what state we are in right now, though: it could be better. But after all the talk and all the elections of city officials, when are we going to face the music and just get up and DO SOMETHING?  My granny tells me that it seems like the up and coming young people go away to college and get fancy degrees, only to just come back home to visit. She hopes that I will not become part of that number. So...now, I think I will add that to my plan: How can I contribute to the city of Jackson and pursue my dreams at the same time.

P.S.

"Map out your future,but do it in pencil."-Jon Bon Jovi

I missed a Holiday!

International Friendship Day was July 30. Cant believe I missed it! Well the next Friendship Day is August 4.😎
Lately, friendship has been on my mind.
Ok. So I have been blessed with a number of friends that I consider to be true in the way they were meant to be friends to me and I to them.  There are some that I can expect to call me out if I'm wrong.  Some who sat with me in hospital rooms. Some were just there to laugh and talk, most of time giving me an important life lesson to learn from. But what is one to really do when it's time to just face the fact that what was once perceived a friendship is dwindling away? What if that person has been with you on this roller coaster of life through all of those times you were hanging on for dear life? And what is that one thing that makes it ok to just walk away? These are questions that may be plaguing someone. 
Are friendships included on that list for "spring cleaning"? And after you've said "out with the old, in with the new", could you ever be friends with that person again? Are friendships not a two-way street?
I'm flooding this post with these questions, but that is only to say that I do believe some friendships will be seasonal and some timeless. So just keep on thinking about what Jesus would do in your particular situation and remember that he is the best friend we will ever have.  Also, know that tomorrow is not promised to anyone so... Don't wait until the next friendship day rolls around to acknowledge your friends.

Here's a pic:one with some friends!

GOD IS L. O. V. E.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:4-13 NIV)