BUT I AM NOT!!
It seems like one day last week, between trying to meet a person halfway, and accomplishing my own goal after all my hard work, something clicked. I am finally free to be happy. Finally able to be who I am supposed to be.
You know how when you get really nervous or stressed out, and your body is leting you know; You get all sweaty, you feel like things are moving in slow motion and things irritate you that shouldn't. You can't sleep. Well, none of this happened to me last week, when normally in certain situations it would. God has really been working on me. I'm saying that this feeling I am feeling is one that I haven't truly felt in about five years. I didn't even realize I was keeping track of time until I tried to reach back to the memory of when I felt the slightest bit of normalcy in my life.
I was 16 and having the best summer of my life. Traveling, volunteering, spending time with family and friends. It's a blessing that I'm even alive to tell me story today. Sometimes I can get through a whole day not remembering that I even had cancer, but then a commercial comes on or I will hear an offensive lyric in a rap song. Imagine what comes next.
Despite all if this, I am not afraid to tell anyone who will listen and even those who won't. Jesus is alive and He is keeping me for a reason. We may not get it, but I've come to the conclusion that it may not be time to get it. That's the part of life that baffles us. When I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and it feels like a cave, I remember that I am not alone and that God promised me that it was a tunnel not a cave.
