For those who don't know

For those that don't read this, I know it's gonna be weird for those that actually do. I feel like I am at a place where I am forcing myself to make changes, some of which you may not like. Leaving some childish things and people behind is proving to be beneficial to me, so I am just passing these words along. 

I want to encourage whoever sees this to just be yourself. The only person you have to prove anything to is yourself. You don't have to wait on those around you for recognition or acknowledgement on how you live your life if you are doing what is right. 

Pushing Forward

A string of events that seem to be all independent of each other suddenly fit together, working to complete this puzzle I've been trying to figure out.  

I realize what it means to separate yourself from people and situations and forget about the consequences for a second and seek God. Truly seek him and listen to what he is saying to your heart. Sometimes it's a whisper. My answer, I feel is coming in stages. Each time I get a new test and I hear the voice more clearly each time.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was sixteen years old and in high school. I didn't know what it meant to take care of myself. I didn't know what friends would stick around once they knew. I didn't think about where I would be in four or five years. I just wanted to be me. I just wanted people to know I was still the same person. 

Now, over four years later, it's like I've been given another test with the same questions on it, but this time I was away from home, with new friends, and two obvious options: take care of myself and finish the education I was afforded, or feel sorry for myself and give up. The later would have meant proving so many things said to be true. But I chose to PUSH FORWARD 

I have opened myself up to see where improvements need to be made and because of this I am still here.  I am constantly reminding myself that without God, I simply would not be alive. Point Blank Period.

Choice of Words

This one of the things I am working on. It seems as though I waste a lot of breath talking and saying things out loud that don't mean a thing. That a long statement for: I RAMBLE!!!!

When I am around friends, or anybody I am comfortable with, I Ramble. 

So if anyone that reads this blog and notices that I am rambling in a post, please comment and let me know. Thanks

Part Two: Not My Identity

Letting go was easy....
of my hair I mean. I have been questioned about my hair for as long as I can remember. It was always about the color or the length. Asking a mother if her three-year old's hair is its natural color is one of the stories that comes to mind. Truth is, I never thought much about it then and I sure didn't feel attached when my doctor told me there was the strong possibility I would lose it all due to chemotherapy.
Right then and there, I shut out all of the horror stories of hair loss out of my head and decided that if it did or didn't come out would not and should not matter if it meant that I was going to be healed.

Here I am around 2008:

This was my first haircut. Courtesy of dad.

September 2009