It has been a while since I have had the courage and words to properly express the things that are on my mind. But here I am, home for the summer.
It's like time has stood still at home. Sure there are some changes in scenery but things are still the same.
I can still rely on being welcome at home, at church, and around my family, and I can rely on it feeling like it's 80 degrees at night, which is oddly something I look forward to in summertime.
I get this feeling that this is the last time I can look at life this way, without being on somebody's payroll, and without having to wake up for any classes. Every summer growing up I had a summer camp to attend or a big trip planned for church or for choir.
But all that time, I had never thought that there would be a break. Not just a summer break but an actual lull in my life that would lead to a revelation such as the one I am having right now.
For everyone that knows me, or grew up with me, you would be surprised at all of the things I AM NOT doing right now. While for a more than a second I was questioning God about why I didn't get an internship or a huge solo, afterwards I am more peaceful and thankful than I could have ever imagined. I was way too comfortable being that girl getting everything I wanted whether I worked for it or not. That leads me to believe that it takes more than just staying out of trouble. Everything I have witnessed in the lives of others and in my own says that it truly take acknowledgement of God's purpose for your life. And finally I am going to stop running away from mine. So yes, I am currently under construction.
