A Heart to Heart for friends.

When I finally let go of a load of resentment and took the first step to finding true confidence in God, something happened. I recieved some unexpected words of affirmation from two souls who must have gotten a glimpse of who I really am.

At this point in my journey of discovery, I was not aware that I lacked self confidence or confidence in God's promises. Reliance on God's Truth. It can't be ignored any more. 

I wanted to cry when I was being told positive things about myself from someone who is not my mother or my brother. I've never seen myself as just being accepted for being me. For being a transparent soul. I would have never described myself in this way and I never would have thought of it as a good thing. But just thinking about it, if I hadn't hit one of my lowest points at the end of 2014, I probably would not be able to accept words like that being spoken to me. The only aspiration I have now is to be able to spread the love of God everywhere I go, through every thing that I do. 

Confessions: Bullying is Real

A recent string of events just hit so close to home, that I came to this conclusion: BULLYING IS REAL 

As I get older, yes it is easier to tell yourself to "shake it off" and "you don't have anything to prove," but something about witnessing someone get pleasure out of doing and saying things to hurt my classmates is painful. 

And get this, every time I scrolled on Instagram laughing at the Aaliyah movie comments, I was contributing to the problem. Bullying is bullying. I of all people should know that, being that I was bullied for years and still am on a daily basis. Being in college or being an actress in highly scrutinized TV movie does not shield from the hurt of bullying. 

I'll just leave it at that for now. 

Living on Purpose

Today is the beginning of my life as I know it is destined to be. There is no other way to live than to be in the present, right now, the time when I have options and the time and freedoms to choose the path I want to take.

Right now, this day, I declare that I will not be left standing by the wayside because someone thought they took my blessing. That is not possible because if it is in God's will for me, there is no other that can claim it. Every ounce of love that God puts on my heart to give, I know that it's not in vain. It has a purpose; I have a purpose. 

We Lit the Night

Rain or shine and the night still went on. As the night of the walk grew closer, my excitement grew. This year the team had grow from three or four to at least ten. Ten. I am grateful for the ten that could make it physically, but also for the ones who registered and couldn't make it out.
A year ago, the phrase "rain or shine" would have deterred me from walking. I am not a huge risk taker so walking in a thunder storm would not have been an option for me at all; I definitely would not have asked others to come out with me. But the way things turned out couldn't have been any better.

My thoughts on Artistry

I must be entering a new phase in my life. Either that, or I guess I'm just discovering Me. I didn't realize until the summer how much I really love Stevie Wonder. I do not have nearly enough of his work in my music library, so nearly every week I hear another song by him that touches my soul.  That says a lot about his music in my opinion. I do feel that if a person's work touches another person in some way, even if the person was just getting something off his or her chest, then the music was actually music. It's kind of like the tree falling in the forest and only one person being a witness to it.  I'm pretty sure that when Stevie Wonder was writing, he didn't have me in mind. He was writing what was in his heart, and it is that music that has transcended into my heart this day. 

Custom Made Summer

When I set up camp in Jackson for the summer, never did I think I would have a summer of such epic proportions. 

I didn't know what I was going to do with three months of free time, with no job and no specific plans. What was I supposed to do? 

I signed up for a quilting class.

Now, I know a lot of you think that quilting is something your grandparents did way back in the day.  You probably have a quilt on your bed or just one for decoration in your house. Well, I have have news for you. 

Quilting is not a lost art. I went into that classroom expecting to be the youngest one there. I was wrong. I was fascinated by a little girl who watched attentively as I learned to cut fabric and also as I learned to thread the sewing machine. (I'd never touched a sewing machine in my life)

Being able to learn something as intricate as making a quilt from start to finish has been one of the most enriching experiences in my life thus far. What made it even better was the fellowship and the warm and inviting spirit in the room. 

Every person that I had the privilege to even sit by had some helpful knowledge to offer. The joy of being able to lose myself in a project for a couple of hours and taking complete control over the design is freeing to me. Every Wednesday I had a reason to laugh and smile. When I think of each child that has recieved a quilt made by the members of the class, I know each of them has a reason to smile too. 

Here is a photo log of my first sewing experience. 

This is the first block consisting of two contrasting fabrics. 

Once I sewed about twenty blocks, I laid them out on a table in different patterns until I liked one of them. 

Once I decided a pattern, I sewed the blocks together in rows. After the five rows were completed, I found a green fabric that complimented the colors in the blocks. The strips in between the rows makes the quilt top longer and wider. After that I sewed all the pieces together. Then came the batting and the backing. 

It took me, a beginner(and a perfectionist)    3 whole months to do what I watched several complete in a few weeks. 

Currently Under Construction

Hi Everyone,

It has been a while since I have had the courage and words to properly express the things that are on my mind. But here I am, home for the summer. 

It's like time has stood still at home. Sure there are some changes in scenery but things are still the same. 

I can still rely on being welcome at home, at church, and around my family, and I can rely on it feeling like it's 80 degrees at night, which is oddly something I look forward to in summertime. 

I get this feeling that this is the last time I can look at life this way, without being on somebody's payroll, and without having to wake up for any classes. Every summer growing up I had a summer camp to attend or a big trip planned for church or for choir. 

But all that time, I had never thought that there would be a break. Not just a summer break but an actual lull in my life that would lead to a revelation such as the one I am having right now. 

For everyone that knows me, or grew up with me, you would be surprised at all of the things I AM NOT doing right now. While for a more than a second I was questioning God about why I didn't get an internship or a huge solo, afterwards I am more peaceful and thankful than I could have ever imagined. I was way too comfortable being that girl getting everything I wanted whether I worked for it or not. That leads me to believe that it takes more than just staying out of trouble. Everything I have witnessed in the lives of others and in my own says that it truly take acknowledgement of God's purpose for your life. And finally I am going to stop running away from mine. So yes, I am currently under construction.